Monday, December 03, 2001


yoga can be very discouraging. . .some days it's two steps forward, three back. . .others, you seem merely stuck on some lone, wind-swept plateau. . .

since i was recently sick for 2-1/2 weeks, i scarcely got to yoga at all. and man o manischewitz, as mr. right says, has my practice suffered. i've managed to go for two days now; it's all i can do not to curse out loud as things i did easily all summer and fall seem beyond me this week. a strong 6-days-a-week practice moves you along; and then boom! after some time without it, you wonder where it all went. . .

of course, this is part of yoga too, to be accepting at these down moments, to understand that your self-worth isn't defined by your circus-like, contortionistic attainments. (note to self: the yoga isn't about the poses, stupid!) my life wasn't really any better when compass pose came more easily to me; i was just prouder of my dumb little self. and by new year's with steady work it will all come back to me. . .

i was a little freaked out today in yoga however when my knee popped in the simplest pose, janu sirsasana. i went to straighten my bent leg in the normal way and suddenly i could feel my kneecap -- or something close to it -- slide away from the rest of my leg. my leg was going one direction and my kneecap was going in another. . .it was a very odd feeling, like a little shock. it didn't hurt at all; as soon as i straightened my leg, i was fine. but there was weird non-aligned moment there that i've never felt before. yikes! it made me gasp with surprise, which was deeply embarrassing as everyone in the class stared at me with utter disdain.

the terrible frustration the suits in the elevator express when discussing their golf handicaps suddenly makes sense to me. . .that's what yoga is, golf for the urban girl. . .

you have to face facts; yoga never gets any easier, it always gets harder. for everything you gain: a good handstand, say -- two other things elude you -- correct lift of the arch in the back foot during warrior poses one and two, or nicely stacked hips in ardha chandrasana. . .actually the last time i tried arda chandrasana with my raised foot against the wall, i actually fell over on the person standing next to me. . .stellar, my friends, just stellar. . .

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