Wednesday, April 10, 2002


at first it began as a kooky human interest story. then my heart sank. . .

yes, american tax dollars have extended our prowess into a new frontier: a chemical sponge resembling a sandwich that won't mold or deteriorate for up to 3 years. i understand that you might need such a formidable piece of military technology in a foxhole, but not in our grocery aisles!

when i read: like dehydrated eggs, freeze-dried coffee and processed cheese -- all originally developed by the military -- the long-life sandwich will probably find its way into grocery stores, the thought of gazillions of americans gumming down this flaccid mass is so saddening i barely have the heart to raise my head and murmur my usual "resist . . .bake your own real bread."

in fact, i probably should just give up now and accept the fact that soon you'll be trotting through your favorite market attempting to decide whether you want to buy the mcdonnell-douglas, dow-corning, or monsanto brands of this kevlar nutrition bit. which you will probably gulp down with a swallow of nescafe.

what will they call it, when they're planning the splashy tv ad campaign? limp bizkit is already taken. . .

dear readers -- use the comment link below to post your suggested name for this new food item that will doubtless soon sweep the globe. in the meantime, i'm going to creep away and cry hot tears of deepest sorrow.

posted by fortune | 7:09 PM | top | link to this | email this: | | | 0 comments